Overwhelmed

I feel so overwhelmed. Last week at work I was asked if I was pregnant cuz I looked radiant, tonight cuz I’m pale. Dad is ready to be a grandad and mentions this frequently. Friends ask if I’m pregnant yet with alarming frequency as if most of them don’t know you only get one shot a cycle (and most of them being health professionals!) mum wants to book skiing for winter and I don’t know wether to book or not cuz (pleasepleaseplease) I could be pregnant. 

But!!! It’s all just to confusing! My cycles vary, temping doesn’t result in a readable chart due to (I assume) my shift work, I’ve had not one positive opk in 5 months, I had bloods taken at day 21 a few months ago which apparently showed I was ovulating but how can it when my cycles are usually in the 30’s and I feel I can only ask sperm guy for two donations a month which is not going to be enough since I have no clue when I am, or if I am ovulating. I feel like a failure, I should know my own body, I do for most other times and I thought I had this, I thought I felt ovulation, I thought I had fertile mucous, but I don’t, i feel like I’ve let me and my beautiful wife down before we’ve even began! 

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