Denial 

I used a carbon monoxide monitor at work this week, you know, for jokes. I nearly fell off my chair when the result read seven! Seven! A 5 would indicate a smoker, 4 and under is normal/healthy. But I don’t smoke.

That’s the first lie I tell myself, because I do smoke. Not ever day, not even every week and usually only when out for a drink with ‘proper’ smokers but I do. It’s got to stop. I don’t even like it! 

There are more lies. There’s the lie about not eating refined carbs, and the one about not drinking alcahol. Why do I do this to myself? These are lies I tell myself btw not others, everyone else can clearly see the glass of wine in my hand! 

So this week I made myself a deal, no more lies. No setting myself up to fail and then feeling horribly guilty when I do. I’ll try and apply all of the good habits I want to get into, because this is lifestyle change and it’s not going to take place over night. And you know what, I did ok! No fags bought my carbon monoxide down to 3 and because of the high reading earlier in the week I declined an offer of a cig last night that I’d normally have accepted. I had a couple of glasses of wine after work but that’s ok, I’m not in the two week wait (that starts today! Eek!!!!) and I’m working all weekend so deserve a treat.  My diet has been spot on and I’m consistently down to two cups of coffee a day. 

This week being honest with myself has really helped me see where I’m going wrong and I feel healthier and more positive for it. I’m ready for this tww, for our maybe baby and for this honesty to continue so I can be in the best place I can physically and mentally ❤️

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