CD 17 ramblings 

Today is cd 17 and we are 2 inseminations down, one cd 13 one cd 15 one today… Then we plan on continuing every two days until I’ve defiantly ovulated. We started so early in my cycle (ovulated on cd 19 last month) because I was feeling pretty fertile back on cd 13. Had some fertile mucous sore boobs and was feeling pretty romantic if you get my drift…but no positive ovulation test as yet just that irritating blinking smily (god damn!) and all my O symptoms just disappeared. 

I’m feeling pretty negative about this cycle. My last cycle was 28 days long, so my luteal phase only lasted 9 days which just does not cut the mustard. I usually have a much longer cycle so I just have no idea what’s going on. Hense inseminating as much as poss. 

I’m really grateful to my sperm guy and his wife, they’re sticking by us and pretty much accepting whatever we want to do with the inseminations even though they’ve been having a rough patch themselves. Such generous and loyal people. Has been a little awkward at times however and I’m not sure how I feel about that. 

I’ve been feeling pretty lonely through all this process especially this month, A has just been so focused on her university course and hasn’t been able to come to any inseminations so far this month and not many previously tbh but nor has she been asking about them or really shown any support without prompting. She never asks about the ovulation tests, has started smoking again and has made minimal effort to read the fertility book I bought her to help her understand it all. Yet she cried when I wasn’t pregnant last month, animatedly talks about how much she does want a baby with me now (when prompted) and even broke down earlier this week saying she would want to try and carry one too when her course is over. I don’t doubt her desire to have a child but just feel she’s not as commited or dedicated to this as me, and I want us to be in the same place. Of course we’ve talked about it but I’ve yet to see any change…..

Were also awaiting appointments at one NHS and one private fertility clinic. We will be paying but I want to find out if going through the NHS can save us a few quid though I’m not anticipating much real difference. I was shocked to find out the amount it will cost us to use our sperm guy as a known donor, were talking £1250-£2000 just for the screening. That was a real kick in the teeth but we will just have to take it because using an an anonymous donor just doesn’t sit right with either of is. I want to know him, I want our child to know him. Because of this I think a cycle of ivf will be on the region of £7000 for us, and based only age we would have a 50-60% chance of success. What a roll of the dice it is. 

We had planned to go skiing with my family this year, we missed out last year because of work commitments but were all set for this Christmas, but a £2500 holiday is not going to happen if we decide to go ahead with this ivf, especially as I am the only earner ATM and were still paying for our wedding from May. Really, we can’t afford it anyway bit it sucks to miss out on family festivities. 

I guess really that was a big old moan, sorry about that! 

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2 thoughts on “CD 17 ramblings 

  1. Oh it’s so sad to feel alone when you’re going through this. Tell your wife how you’re feeling – we all deal with things slightly differently and have slightly different expectations about what the process involves, who should be doing what, where responsibility is, what support is needed. It sounds to me like the two of you just need to get back to being on the same page. She clearly is as invested in this process as you are. You can have a virtual squeeze from me in the mean time 🙂

    And yes, we’ve not really had a holiday since 2013 – and there isn’t one in our foreseeable future either. It’s a shitter.

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    1. Thanks honey, I took your advice, and we have spoken about things. I guess I just take on the responsibility naturally because I have knowledge in this area and it’s my body and she doesn’t realise I need as much emotional support as I do…. Sometimes you just need to give each other a lil nudge or check in right?? She’s made a big effort to catch up with me the last day or so ❤️
      We’re lucky that although no abroad holidays are looking like a possibility we have a campervan so at least we can frolic in the British drizzle! 🚐💙

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