Were back from our alpine skiing adventure and had loads of fun trying to ski on the ice! Barely any snow this year, makes it hard work and a tad scary but still brilliant and I made the most of probably not being pregnant by eating smoked salmon, scallops, rare steaks and drinking a few Vinos! I’m imagining I am not pregnant though technically we are in the tww because we did a random insem on the 18th and I hadn’t had a positive opk prior to the insem. I stopped doing them whilst we are away but think I ovulated on the 21st. We did the insem because 1. You never know and 2. I want to have as little chance of having preeclampsia as possible, using donor sperm increases your risk of it due to your bodies unfamiliarity with the donors hormones etc, so I figure the more the merrier even if we’re unlikely to conceive. 

Symptoms wise it’s the same as the past few months, sore boobs and cramps. Frustratingly similar to pregnancy symptoms but these are familiar pre menstral symptoms for me. The only odd thing is that I dreamt last night that I had conceived and my embryo was implanting, and I had an implantation bleed. I woke up to signuficant backache and when I went to the toilet there was a tiny bit of pink and one tiny red spot on the tissue. Very odd but I still don’t buy it! 

I’m looking forward to January, it feels like a new start for more than one reason as we have two fertility appointments with different clinics, one on the 6th and one on the 21st. I guess we will see who we like the best and who has the best success rates and make a choice. I also have a pelvic scan to follow up on Polly the polyp and her friend the cyst in the middle of the month. Joy! 

Much love and happy new year! Baby dust all round 😘😘😘

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AF funk

AF came today and I cried all the way to work. I did a pregnancy test on Monday, it was negative so AF was hardly a Suprise but still those nagging thoughts of ‘maybe it was too early’ crept in. I’m gutted. I’m 28 this month. My mum was 26 when she had me, I was her first child and I did not want to turn 28 not being pregnant. 

I can’t visualise a positive pregnancy test. I can’t imagine those first few weeks and months. Even full of hope in the tww I can’t see it. That feels significant to me. 

Urgh, now work. I want to be pregnant, and if I am not I want to sit at home and be miserable about it.