I’m tentatively tip toeing around this morning trying not to wake psychobitch. Seem to have developed some sort of split personality.
Last weekend I sobbed for a good half hour about a seal who was grieving for her dead baby. I was so heartbroken for her I left my best friend and wife and went to bed! Who puts this stuff on Facebook though, it was horrible. That poor seal. She cried real tears.
Then on Tuesday after actually a reasonably stress free day we met psychobitch. I mean I was so bloody wound up and angry and upset for no reason. I just didn’t want to speak to or deal with anyone. She hang around until yesterday evening, just popping up through the day now and then but when I came home last night my wife made me pancakes and they seem to have been some kind of kryptonite for her a since then I’ve felt largely sane and even slept well.
So I am struggling with the mood swings a tad, and I really want to be all calm and positive to send good welcoming messages to my little developing eggs. So today I am going to work on that, and go swimming after work to relax me tonight.
Yesterday I had my first scan in the stimulation phase and I found it quite upsetting really. It took me half an hour to park which was stressful then they were running late which is fine but I had to get back to work and was worried about that. Then the dr was brusque, rough and very clinical which just made me feel on a convey belt AND I’ve only got 4 developing follicles on day 6/7 of stimulation. They were ‘above 10mm’ but she didn’t say how big and I didn’t ask. Plan to continue stimulating and re scan Friday (tomorrow) and ‘see where we go from there’.
I’m a bit scared incase they cancel due to size or whatever but I’m relatively positive now about there being ‘only 4’ (if they get big enough for retrieval that is) as I am trying to believe in the mantra it only takes one. Plus last year we had our beautiful litter of puppies who are our absolute darlings and we had 4 of them- a number I was so so happy with as they were easy to manage and find perfect homes for (we kept one) and we’re so big and healthy as they were a small litter.
So 4 is a bit of a lucky number for me, and I’m willing my little litter on! But yes, cancelling a cycle is a big fear for now.