Third monitoring scan today and overall I feel it went well. I have 8 healthy sized follicles! Yay! A nice thick endometrium and it’s all go for trigger tomorrow night and egg collection Thursday at 9.30am. I basically skipped out of there I am so excited. 

Downside is that I have also apparently accumulated a polyp. Now I had a scan a year and a half ish ago that showed a small polyp at the end of my cycle. When I was re scanned at a different point it wasn’t visible. I’ve had many scans since then and none have shown it so I’m sceptical. Bloody annoying time for it to show up if it is, and I really hope this doesn’t impact on implantation cus I’m just not up for that. 

Me being the over excited child I apparently am, I completely forgot to ask about it once I had my knickers back on. Too excited for egg collection…. balls. 

Hope

Monitoring scan yesterday went so so well and I’ve been on a high ever since. My little litter of 4 follicles has grown into a litter of 7 size 12-14mm follicles. There are a good few smaller ones hanging around in the background and I’ve no idea if they can catch up or not. What will be will be, for now I’m chuffed with our 7.  

The consultant who scanned me was lovely, polite and friendly and gentle with the scanning. He seemed to be the boss man and fingers crossed I see him again. 

We’re so damn excited. I know this has an only 1:4 chance of working and then there’s the hell of early pregnancy and all the risks to navigate but we have so much hope. And it’s fun to hope and dream. 

I can feel them now. Mainly on my right side where I have 5 hanging out. It’s quite reassuring but made swimming last night difficult as it pulls and I’m scared incase I hurt them! Think I’m going to take it down to just walking now… madness when I think of all the exercise I was doing before Xmas! 7 days a week spinning circuits running or bootcamp! 

Next scan Monday with retrieval potentially Thursday or Friday ❤

Psychobitch stimulation ramblings 

I’m tentatively tip toeing around this morning trying not to wake psychobitch. Seem to have developed some sort of split personality. 

Last weekend I sobbed for a good half hour about a seal who was grieving for her dead baby. I was so heartbroken for her I left my best friend and wife and went to bed! Who puts this stuff on Facebook though, it was horrible. That poor seal. She cried real tears. 

Then on Tuesday after actually a reasonably stress free day we met psychobitch. I mean I was so bloody wound up and angry and upset for no reason. I just didn’t want to speak to or deal with anyone. She hang around until yesterday evening, just popping up through the day now and then but when I came home last night my wife made me pancakes and they seem to have been some kind of kryptonite for her a since then I’ve felt largely sane and even slept well. 

So I am struggling with the mood swings a tad, and I really want to be all calm and positive to send good welcoming messages to my little developing eggs. So today I am going to work on that, and go swimming after work to relax me tonight. 

Yesterday I had my first scan in the stimulation phase and I found it quite upsetting really. It took me half an hour to park which was stressful then they were running late which is fine but I had to get back to work and was worried about that. Then the dr was brusque, rough and very clinical which just made me feel on a convey belt AND I’ve only got 4 developing follicles on day 6/7 of stimulation. They were ‘above 10mm’ but she didn’t say how big and I didn’t ask. Plan to continue stimulating and re scan  Friday (tomorrow) and ‘see where we go from there’. 

I’m a bit scared incase they cancel due to size or whatever but I’m relatively positive now about there being ‘only 4’ (if they get big enough for retrieval that is) as I am trying to believe in the mantra it only takes one. Plus last year we had our beautiful litter of puppies who are our absolute darlings and we had 4 of them- a number I was so so happy with as they were easy to manage and find perfect homes for (we kept one) and we’re so big and healthy as they were a small litter. 

So 4 is a bit of a lucky number for me, and I’m willing my little litter on! But yes, cancelling a cycle is a big fear for now. 

Stimulation 

Next step! My very clever endometrium now measures a slim 2.9mm! Wooop go me. Ovaries are behaving themselves so we’re going for it with the stimulation drugs. I’m on 150iu menopur and 300iu bemfola (pen) with a scan arranged Wednesday and Friday next week. 

It was a little disheartening to be asked ‘how old are you’ by the nurse when looking at my poor under achieving ovaries. She was expecting to see more follicles apparently…. which confused me a little as I didn’t think they bothered with them just yet…. but basically she wanted to check I was on the right meds so I got over it pretty quick. After all this is why I’m here, and I’m glad everyone seems to know what they’re doing! 

I’m ready for these night sweats to be over now, I’ve been waking 10-25 times per night (thanks Fitbit app!) this last week and it’s boring now. Hopefully this will get better now that we’re stimulating. My moods been a little on the low side mainly through feeling tired. But I’m happy, I’m glad to be doing this. Overall I think I’ve been quite relaxed, I’ve been trying to visualise our baby and all that comes before that… getting good numbers at egg collection, good fertilisation rate, the positive pregnancy test… a first, healthy, scan….

Come on baby! 

Another week of down reg 

Today was my first scan on down reg, not terribly exciting but it’s nice to be doing something further in this process and feels like a mini milestone. It was in the middle of the day but I had a day off so made a day out of it by going on an explore with my doggies this morning and a cuppa and a cuddle with my friend and her two gorgeous babes. My beautiful kind thoughtful wife also bought me a massage for my birthday (December) which I’m off for this afternoon 💞💞

I started down regulation on the 27th December so now we’re at day 17 of that, however I only started my period two days ago with proper bleeding only starting this morning so I wasn’t shocked to hear my linings at almost 10mm still. Looking online everyone’s freaking out when this has happened to them but I’m simply not worried. I know my linings usually quite thick from previous scans and my periods tend to be heavy and I just believe this part at least is going to be fine. This is the easy bit right?! All will be revealed in a week either way. 

What I am starting to struggle with is how very much I want this to work, I’m in, I’m invested, I’m hopeful and optimistic and bloody hell its going to hurt if it doesn’t work. I’ve only just started on my first IVF journey and am realising the magnitude of it all. But I do want to believe. It feels good to believe.

If I had a 25% chance of winning the lotto you bet I’d be playing ❤🌈❤

Side note; I’ve put on 4lbs since before Xmas. Currently I am blaming Xmas/birthday/new year foods, significant reduction in ability to exercise due to down reg exhaustion and repeated advice to tone down the cardio (I was hitting it hard) a new and very seious chocolate addiction and the meds them selves. Now I needs to deal with this, this week. No chocolate. Get off my ass and at least walk around a bit 🙄 and careful on the carbs. I hope I’m listening to myself. 

Adventures into down regulation

Today I am 7 days into down regulation for our first IVF attempt. I am so excited and cannot believe we are at this stage, but also so incredibly aware of how things can easily not go to plan and that it may all be for nothing. Right now I am holding onto hope and trying to visualise a positive pregnancy test, a growing bump and knitted booties, but I do have one nagging fear that I’m trying my best to ignore;

I have reduced ovarian reserve and don’t really ovulate, I turned 29 this week. I am on the long protocol of IVF simply because of my age and because they will have more control over the cycle with that protocol than with the flair which is apparently plan b… but due to my fertility problems I am scared that being on down reg will permanently tip me into the menopause and then, well its game over. Argh!

Side effects wise I’m doing ok. I’m on Suprecur 0.5ml via sc injection daily. Prior to starting down reg I was getting some serious night sweats and other menopausal symptoms like constantly feeling nauseous and heaving especially in the mornings!! And feeling foggy and like I was walking through treacle sporadically. Since starting down reg I haven’t yet had any nights sweats which is amazing as they’re truly horrible and ruin my sleep. The past few days I’ve had a mild headache and today I have a funny taste and slight numb feeling in my mouth. I feel a bit flat and quite tired too though that could be because I’m back at work tomorrow after a few days off for Christmas! 

Exercise wise I’ve not done much since starting down reg except two 5km runs and a daily dog walk, this is mainly due to Christmas rather than deciding to stop and my classes start again today so I’m back to meta fit and spin tonight, with weights class Tuesday, 5km run sat and spin Sunday.  I did have a vague plan of maybe starting to do the daily insanity dvds until I start on menopur…but then again maybe not! 

All in all I’m pretty pleased just to be starting on this adventure.