The five and a half week wait

It’s still so bizarre to me, all this poking and prodding and scans and monitoring and injections blah blah and then nothing! Nada! Not a blood test or a scan or anything. I’ve been tempted this week to go to one of those peek-a-baby places, but A is not keen. She wants us to leave it/them alone to grow and not prod and poke and waste money when it won’t make any difference anyhow. She’s right but OOOHHHHHWWWWW. Two weeks left. Should have called it the five and a half week wait, but I guess it’s not as catchy. Realistic though! #faahww 

In other news, symptoms continue but cramps are lessening, I have very occasional bouts of nausea that may or may not be in my head, killer sore boobs (cannot sleep on my front!!!) and a tendancy for grumpiness plus some pretty significant tiredness. Though I seem to be adjusting to that by always sleeping!! I’m kinda thinking there’s just one baby, though I will be sad if one hasn’t made it. I guess that’s partly why having a scan earlier would be good, daydreaming (aka obsessive Pinterest searching/googling) about twins and twin related items isn’t good if one of my little darlings hasn’t made it. No matter what I am so grateful to have got ANYTHING implanted in there, and one baby suits my Homebirth and exclusive breastfeeding dreams, along with our financial situation better, but you do get so attached to those little embryos. March needs to hurry up already 💙🤞🏼💙 

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16dp2dt

Who was I kidding. I managed one day without testing! I was doing pretty good but I’m still cramping and found out my scan will be in three weeks from today….Three! I’m sure that’s correct and fine and you know this is the NHS and I’m grateful blah blah but it feels like such a long bloody time. I’ll be 7+4. That’s like a proper pregnant person. There’s no blood tests or anything either to check levels are rising, so of course the urge to test won out! 

  
It’s getting darker and for now I’m happy. Didn’t expect to have such a long wait after the tww to check everything’s looking as it should though…. 

Telling people wise we’ve told everyone we planned on. A few close friends and parents, plus As sister. My parents seem to have shared with my aunt already though which I don’t mind as she and I are really close and they’re just so damn excited, my dad especially. Mum has already offered to help with childcare and we have about four desperate knitters! It’s so lovely to have others as excited and in love with this baby as us. 

Symptoms wise I’m still cramping which worries me on one hand but also reassures me that at least something’s going on down there on the other. My boobs are super sensitive and I’m quite tired, though not as bad as last week (or maybe I’m getting used to it?).

Roll on march! 

OTD

Today is 14dp2dt and the recommended pregnancy test date following our first IVF cycle. We did it! It’s worked and I can’t believe it! 

Our clinic had given us an (incredibly cheap looking) pregnancy test to do today which is the top test. It’s a bit of a naff test so I did a digital just to make sure, it’s so amazing to see those words pregnant!  

 
Next steps are to continue with progesterone and call the clinic Monday with our results. I believe they’ll arrange a scan for some time after 6 weeks bit I’m not sure if they’ll do a blood test first? 

I’ve used all our tests now and don’t plan on doing any more, I don’t want to get any more obsessive than I am! My general plan is to keep active walking and swimming, eat well, not stress and sit back and let our little darling grow ❤ 

Thank you for all your lovely messages of support ❤

  

Ivf-who to tell

With my family and close friends I’m incredibly open about all aspects of my life. I see no point in pretence and if I’m going through something challenging or difficult I will often seek advice from many different people to help me come to my own conclusion. As a child I would constantly ask questions if I didn’t understand something and this would be reflected in school reports etc. So naturally even before ttc, having a family was a subject I had already talked about time and time again with many different people and many people know of our ivf attempt. 

I have found it a great relief to talk to people about how I am feeling, have received a lot of support and have found it helps me a lot though often I can’t get across just how significant this is for me. My wife asked me not to tell anyone about our positive result until otd which is tomorrow. She doesn’t and hasn’t asked for a lot so I was happy to do this, though if left to me I would have told all of our inner circle straight away! So no one knows except us. The strange thing for me is that since I’ve known it’s positive I’ve obviously relaxed a lot, stopped asking advice or talking out my stress and worry and generally needed less support, and no one seems to have noticed! My best friends have just left me to it and I find it so strange because if I didn’t know the outcome (which is what they all believe) I would be going fucking insane and crying at them, talking at them and generally needing support. I don’t quite get how they don’t know that I know! And I’m upset that I thought they got how much I want this, and I thought they got how much this has taken over my world that ‘being normal’ could only ever be pretend right now. Maybe they’re just grateful for the peace and quiet! 

Anyway, where I’m going with this is that infertility, ttc, ivf, is something I think that only those going through it can understand. That desire is all encompassing, the process overwhelming and you just can’t think of anything else. I’m glad I found this little world where I can read your stories and know that others feel the same, that we’re not alone. 

12dp2dt

  
Different test again, still positive. Still faint but it’s early right??? Really hope those levels are rising and that babe/babies are settling in tight.

Symptoms wise I’m knackered. Tired behind my eyes by 4pm and we’ve been in bed by 9.30-10! My wife is knackered too but she’s on a new placement and gets up at 5am to walk the dogs. I’ve been on dog walk rest during ivf but my shifts will resume next week!!! 

 I’m still cramping, though not as often as before. Yesterday I had two cramps hours apart that were very strong though and that scared me. 

I’ve had some pangs of nausea too though I know it’s too early for that they’re definitely there! 

Sore boobs and mild wind discomfort which I’m attributing to the pessaries. 

I plan on telling a few people from the off, people who I would want to know and who would support us no matter what outcome; my parents and closest friends and A plans on telling her sister and mum. Plan is to wait for otd just to make sure….and its nice having this secret! 

11dp2dt

Now I’ve started testing I can’t stop! Yesterday afternoon panic set in that the trigger could still be in my system and that’s what the positive test was showing (yesterday, when I got the + it was 14 days since trigger). Luckily enough I had enough tests to do one a day up until otd with the test provided by the clinic so I planned to do one this morning. 

One of my really good friends had given me a couple of tests that she had left over. So I used one of them. It showed positive but was super super faint! Gah! Problem was there was no instructions and I’m not sure how old it was. So I did another test of the same brand I used yesterday and thankfully it was a stronger positive than I saw yesterday! Perhaps this brand is more sensitive or perhaps they’re just newer… either way I’m glad I had that second one to reassure me. 

  

The very faint positive on the test from my friend. I don’t like looking at this photo! If you look closely though there is a | in the square shaped window which = positive 

  

My repeat test, same brand as yesterday, much stronger! If it was negative the + would be a – in the circle shaped window. 

I’ve got a digital too, those scare me more as in my head they’re the least sensitive and give you a stark pregnant/not pregnant rather than a line you can interpret yourself. I’m saving that one for Friday I think, the day before otd. 

Hang in there baby! ❤

Positive ❤

I caved. 6am this morning, 10dp2dt and 4 days before otd and I only bloody got a positive test!!!!!!!!!! I cannot believe it and cannot put into words how happy I am. I know this is early but today, I am pregnant.

I’ve read sooooo many of these posts, but honestly, I didn’t think I would be writing one. I still feel as if af is coming though I’ve been reassured by so many people that they felt like that initially too.  

 
It’s faint, but it’s there. Positive! Please baby, please hang around. You are so loved already ❤