With my family and close friends I’m incredibly open about all aspects of my life. I see no point in pretence and if I’m going through something challenging or difficult I will often seek advice from many different people to help me come to my own conclusion. As a child I would constantly ask questions if I didn’t understand something and this would be reflected in school reports etc. So naturally even before ttc, having a family was a subject I had already talked about time and time again with many different people and many people know of our ivf attempt.
I have found it a great relief to talk to people about how I am feeling, have received a lot of support and have found it helps me a lot though often I can’t get across just how significant this is for me. My wife asked me not to tell anyone about our positive result until otd which is tomorrow. She doesn’t and hasn’t asked for a lot so I was happy to do this, though if left to me I would have told all of our inner circle straight away! So no one knows except us. The strange thing for me is that since I’ve known it’s positive I’ve obviously relaxed a lot, stopped asking advice or talking out my stress and worry and generally needed less support, and no one seems to have noticed! My best friends have just left me to it and I find it so strange because if I didn’t know the outcome (which is what they all believe) I would be going fucking insane and crying at them, talking at them and generally needing support. I don’t quite get how they don’t know that I know! And I’m upset that I thought they got how much I want this, and I thought they got how much this has taken over my world that ‘being normal’ could only ever be pretend right now. Maybe they’re just grateful for the peace and quiet!
Anyway, where I’m going with this is that infertility, ttc, ivf, is something I think that only those going through it can understand. That desire is all encompassing, the process overwhelming and you just can’t think of anything else. I’m glad I found this little world where I can read your stories and know that others feel the same, that we’re not alone.