See you soon Hope

Hope is such cruel tormenter. I was so positive this month worked, I knew my body and knew I felt different this time. And what was the harm in letting hope in anyway, especially as I was pregnant so hope would just turn into joy soon enough! 

The first blow came the day I realised I had sensitive boobs. Most people say that’s a good thing right? But my boobs feel the same every month, in the week before my period. The familiar ache dashed hope immediately…but you can’t stop hope! And I ended up thinking to myself, oh gosh, pregnancy symptoms and AF symptoms are as similar as everyone says! Because clearly hope was still winning this emotional battle. After another couple of days of hoping, I did a pregnancy test, many days too early because, after all, I was so pregnant it was going to be one of those super early super positive tests everybody chats about on ttc forums wondering if it’s twins! Obviously it was negative, but hope still couldn’t be stopped. Even when my cm changed, just the way it does every month before AF comes…and even on CD1 which happened to be 10DP0, hope was there, cruelly suggesting that it could just be implantation bleeding. 

Now is cd2 and I am sad. I’m sad to let go of my hope even though she’s treated me rather badly. I know I’ll see her again soon. Wow the 2ww is hard! 


3rd time lucky?! 

  I am literally so excited to see this gorgeous little face! This is my first positive ovulation test since I started POAS many months ago. I had started to think there was something wrong, but a colleague pointed out that I was probably just testing at the wrong time of day and missing it, especially as when I’m working I’m away for 14+ hours. So I changed it and hey presto… Ovulation a go! 
We also inseminated today 😍 it’s cd 19 for me, and we inseminated on cd 17 already (my cycles are around 33 days) and had planned to do cd 22 (as sperm guy can’t do cd 21) but that seems pointless now so we’re going to do cd 20 (tomorrow). 

I’m also so reassured that the reason we’ve had no luck so far is timing. I know it’s only been three months and that’s nothing but still I am a tad over dramatic (I was googling pituitary gland tumors today….). Our previous inseminations have been on cd 11, 12, 15 and 25. All no where near ovulation and looking back all rather silly shots in the dark! I guess this stuff takes practice right?? 

Anyway, sperm, meet egg! Now do your thing 😍