See you soon Hope

Hope is such cruel tormenter. I was so positive this month worked, I knew my body and knew I felt different this time. And what was the harm in letting hope in anyway, especially as I was pregnant so hope would just turn into joy soon enough! 

The first blow came the day I realised I had sensitive boobs. Most people say that’s a good thing right? But my boobs feel the same every month, in the week before my period. The familiar ache dashed hope immediately…but you can’t stop hope! And I ended up thinking to myself, oh gosh, pregnancy symptoms and AF symptoms are as similar as everyone says! Because clearly hope was still winning this emotional battle. After another couple of days of hoping, I did a pregnancy test, many days too early because, after all, I was so pregnant it was going to be one of those super early super positive tests everybody chats about on ttc forums wondering if it’s twins! Obviously it was negative, but hope still couldn’t be stopped. Even when my cm changed, just the way it does every month before AF comes…and even on CD1 which happened to be 10DP0, hope was there, cruelly suggesting that it could just be implantation bleeding. 

Now is cd2 and I am sad. I’m sad to let go of my hope even though she’s treated me rather badly. I know I’ll see her again soon. Wow the 2ww is hard!