Changes…

In my quest to become a mum I’ve made a few changes to my life. 

1. I’ve cut down on drinking. Not out but down, girls got to have some fun. A and I were quite big drinkers, we would have a couple most nights… I love wine, and mainly red. I do believe that alcohol was one of the main reasons I put on so much weight, not only in the drinking of excess calories but also because of the bad decisions relating to food I would make when I had had a glass or two which then quickly became habits. So that was the first thing to ‘go’. I have stopped having a drink during the week unless it’s a special occasion or a holiday, and try and just stuck to having a few on one night at the weekend although occasionally it will be two nights. I still love my wine, but where I can I opt for lower calorie drinks such as gin and slimline tonic or vodka and Diet Coke. The other game changer was a vow to eat prior to having an alcoholic drink, not after! That helped me keep my mind on good healthy food and off the junk! It’s also stopped late night cupboard raids. If I’m desperate for something, I’ll eat some fruit. 

2. Stopping Shift work. It wasn’t exactly intentional, I wanted to go to a more normal working pattern and was keeping my eye open for opportunity and there it was. I worked mainly nights for about 8 years, 12 hours shifts on busy wards. Not easy and not good for my mental or physical health. I never have suffered with any depression or anything like that, but when your sleeping all day and miss entire days of daylight (night shifts in the winter) well honestly I struggled with that. So since October I’ve been working 9-5 Monday to Friday and it’s pretty awesome. I feel healthier happier and basically normal! I won’t miss the constant jet lagged feeling of nights, or repeatedly sleeping separately to my wife. 

3. Diet… Well that’s the biggie. Initially I did 6 weeks ish of dukan. Yes it works, and maybe it can work long term if you stick at it but it is HARD. It is also unforgiving. You feel like shit most of the time and slip ups are painful both physically (when your on no carbs then accidentally eat a slice of pizza…..wow it’s uncomfortable!) and in that the scale does not forgive them easily. I went from 14 stone 4 down to about 13 stone 4 on dukan. When I came off it I went back up a few pounds immediately, that’s when I declined to try slimming world as so many people I know we’re having great success with it. The biggest boost to my weight loss has been doing slimming world with A. We shop cook and eat together so me being on a strict diet and her eating what she pleased was hard and didn’t make financial sence. She needed to shift the pounds too, and it’s been great! We are a little competitive but mainly we are just supportive of each other. I am now down to 12 stone 9 1/2 and I’m feeling good about myself again. I’ve discovered a love of fruit, and I feel so healthy right now. I’ve also cut down on caffine, again not cut it out but down. This one is hard for me and I still slip up regularly. I’m trying not to have more than 2 cups of coffee a day, I would like to cut it out completely but that seems impossible at the moment. My goal this week is to have one cup a day only and switch to raspberry leaf or red bush tea for my other hot drinks. We will see. 

4. Supplements. I have been taking, on and off, folic acid 5mg (due to raised bmi) raspberry leaf tea and a pregnancy multi vitamin from sainsburys. I’ve been doing some research into other supplements and have decided to add; 

Co-enzyme Q10 – all cells are powered by tiny little organisms called mitochondria, and those mitochondria rely on Co-enzyme Q10 for power. Studies have shown that women who supplement with Co-Q10 produced better eggs, in greater quantities, as in human terms, an egg is a really huge cell, so needs lots of power to work efficiently.

Royal Jelly. Another one that is supposed to make really good quality eggs by giving your body a boost in the energy sector.
The areas I need to work on now are getting good at taking the supplements and keep on reducing caffine. I was exercising quite a bit and that has slipped the last few weeks as I’ve been doing some extra shifts at my old job in attempt to get rid of my credit card!!! But I’ll be back on that as well this week. I am also considering starting acupuncture but I’m not sure how that will work financially as it costs £40 a session and I imagine I would need them on a regular basis.

Overall I’m happy with the choices I am making though and I’m feeling healthy and happy. If anyone has any advice on lifestyle changes that feel helped them conceive I would love to hear from you 😘 

Results are in

Today was our much anticipated fertility clinic appointment. We’ve had to wait for 5 months for it due to waiting lists and it being an NHS clinic, but we’re not grumbling as routine tests and consultations are all free, so we’ve saved a lot by being patient. We were expecting to pay for treatment itself, but it it is still a damn sight cheaper this way.

Free/cheap isn’t the only reason we’ve chosen to go NHS. We looked at private clinics initially and were fairly set but decided to go along to our initial NHS clinic appointment in January to compare, and I am so glad we did. The advice was to the point, reasonable and fair, tests were based on need and nothing else and everyone was so professional. I feel confident in them. They’re also very convenient for us as they’re relatively close to home and a couple of miles for work. The private clinic we had considered was twice the distance away from home, and the travelling quite stressful. Q

The registrar we first saw requested an internal scan, hsg, and a load of bloods; progesterone fsh etc and requested I lose weight. Bmi above 30 and they wouldn’t treat me on the NHS for sure but if I could get it under 30 there was a chance we would qualify for a cycle of IVF on the NHS as we had been doing home inseminations for some time. My bmi at the time was 33 ish, weight 87kg. 

So…..today my weight was 80kg (12 stone 6) and bmi was 30.6! Woop! Also, I’m not ovulating and have low ovarian reserve. Bugger. Wasn’t quite expecting that! 

On the plus side uterus ovaries and Fallopian tubes appeared normal and as I am now apparently diagnosed with fertility problems we get a couple of goes at IVF on the NHS, although obviously chances of success are a lower. My age is in my favour and so is my continued weight loss. 

I’m feeling pretty positive… IVF is what we had decided we wanted and now we get a freebie, but shit! Where did the bloody eggs go?!? I really hope there’s a couple knocking around in there and they don’t decide to pop out whilst we’re waiting to start IVF! 

Low

Im having a bad day. 

I feel low and flat. 

Weight loss is not going well. I need to sort myself out. It just feels like it’s never going to happen so what’s the point. Gah. 

We’re going round to our donors tonight for food. We’re breaking up with them and I feel bad about it, frustrated and  apprehensive. A was adamant she was going to arrange telling them but she never did. Times moving on and we can’t just leave them hanging so I suggested meeting up and bringing food over (they have small kids so it’s easier for them that way). She’s got a lot on with uni and work but still. 

A works weekends and I work in the week. Weekends have started to get a bit lonely. I want my wife. 

In on cd 3. My cycle lasted 38 days! Wtf??? And it’s so fucking painful. I’m beginning to think I’ve got endometriosis. Irregular bleeding, irregular length cycles, cramping up to two weeks before my period, very heavy painful periods, tummy trouble…. 

Everyone’s pregnant or having babies. Not me, I’m not. Trying to be happy for my friends, but I’m just plain jealous. 

I need my mojo back! I need my positivity and drive. I think I may need to start going to slimming world or something. I need focus. If I can lose weight it’s going to improve my chances, so it should help me feel like I’m working towards our goal of becoming mummy’s. Maybe I need to take A with me, to help that feeling of togetherness. 

Dieting

Since January 1st I’ve lost 1 stone 2pounds! Whilst this is amazing I’ve still got a way to go and need to lose another 1 stone 5 pounds to get my BMI under 30, or ideally 2 stones 2 pounds to get to my target weight of 11 stone. 

That said I’ve been very naughty last night, and treated the wife and I to a curry, including naan and wine and my darling has just popped up to the cafe to get us some breakfast which I don’t imagine is dukan diet or even healthy diet friendly! 

I don’t feel guilty though, I’ve eaten well the rest of the week, exercised frequently and with gusto and I know having one naughty meal doesn’t mean giving up and eating without thought and care. Today I’m cycling about 20k with my beautiful pup and then tackling the house work, so I intend on burning off a few calories. Tonight I’m planning on cooking a healthy slimming world esq Thai green chicken curry, without the naan this time! Then Sunday through Friday I’ll be back on the dukan diet, I’m tending to do one veg and protein day (so I can have a baby Sunday roast, roast meat and carrot, mashed swede and broccoli, lush!) followed by 4-5 pure protein days then some normal food on Friday and/or Saturday. It’s a bit of a mix match of diets, but it’s working for me at the moment allowing me to be strict enough most of the week to lose weight whilst still allowing for some indulgence and sanity in the form of vegetables wine and carbohydrates! I may need to step it up after next weekend and get back to doing the dukan properly but we will see. 

The exercise front has been hit and miss, the spin classes at my gym keeps getting fully booked and I really like them and find I’m much more disciplined at attending them than going to the gym by myself. Last week I barely did any excercise because of this, so I got myself motivated this week. I had aimed to go every night, but due to leaving work very late twice I made it three times, which I’m actually happy with. Three gym sessions and one swim. I’ve managed to book on the spin class Sunday and Monday so next week should be off to a flying start. 

I’m determined to do this. I can do this. 

Tears before 9am

Today started out so well. I’ve officially lost a stone since 31/1/15, I had an excellent nights sleep and yesterday I taught my first ever guest lecture at a university which was quite frankly terrifying and so made today’s work seem a walk in the park. 

Then I had a very giggly excited phone call with my oldest and best friend, we tend to talk every morning on the way to work, and last night she shagged a boy after 10 years of lady love. So as you can imagine there was lots of squeeling going on, well up until the point when she mentioned that they used no contraception, and if she got pregnant she ‘wouldn’t keep it’. 

Oosh that hurt!

How to have a happy Sunday 

I woke up this morning feeling dejected. No weight loss on the scales. I know I can’t expect it everyday but I weighed this weight when I got married in May, and I want to be less than that now what with all my hard work. 

So i turned my mood around and I went for a two mile run in the muddy forest with my beautiful pup, then to a very sweaty spin class, cooked myself a delicious nutritious late breakfast and visualised myself at 11stone. Honestly I now feel on top of the world. I feel powerful and healthy and happy. 

This is me at 18 when I last weighed 11 stone, I can get back to this! Curvy stil yes, but I was hot! 

 
For breakfast today I did myself proud. In in the cruise phase of the dukan diet and in on a pp day so I made myself dukan eggs Benedict which is an oatbran galette (a bit like an omlette/crepe) with lean ham, poached egg and homemade hollandaise sauce which I made from mustard egg yolk skim milk quark and lemon juice. Delicious! 

  

Finally! 

This morning showed a loss on the scales, yay! Now I’m down to 13stone 10 which is a loss of 8lbs. Very happy with that considering this is day 9. 

  
I’ve been sticking rigidly to the rules and have been exercising. Swam 30 lengths last night to take me away from the temptations on my Christmas whiskey miniature sat on the counter. I wanted to leave that stuff out to prove my will power to myself but it makes it hard! 

We’ve decided to visit a fertility clinic that’s 30 miles closers I home. Although we love the other, ultimately the journey is going to get too much. So that’s another £200 for an initial consultation but I guess we’ve got to get used to spending money on this journey 🙈 

I’ll leave you with this mornings yummy very filling breakfast, spinach ham mushroom and corgette omlette, it was gorgeous.