Midwife ❤️ 9 weeks 1 day 

So today we went to meet our midwife, and I know her from uni! Haven’t seen her in a few years, but so lovely to have someone I know. She will be our midwife at least throughout the pregnancy. Woo! 

What especially impressed me was when she asked my wife for her details as next of kin, i.e name and number, she without asking or hesitating wrote ‘wife’ in the space marked ‘relationship’. I mean this is how it’s meant to be, but unfortunately it often isn’t, and small triumphs of equality like this just leave me feeling so warm and happy ❤️

Confusingly the appointment wasn’t for the whole booking, which is what I had thought, but it turns out they do things slightly different round here and it was instead to get the ‘important’ tests out of the way and to request the dating scan,  with the actual booking appointment getting done at a home visit when convenient. I say ‘important’ cuz I know that these are things hospitals get tested on, key performace indicators, so it makes sense to get these out the way asap and for the longer but less ‘important’ information to be gathered at a later date. Obviously each aspect is equally important to providing good and appropriate care, but like most things in life now, measured outcomes are prioritised. It makes sense but I was hoping it would all be done today haha, and that other than the scan we wouldn’t need to make time for another appointment until 16 weeks.


We had the day off together today which was just lovely, and so went on a little adventure with the dogs and found some amazing walks within an hour of where we live. The scenery was just breathtaking and we had a beautiful day. On our way home we just went to a little town nearby to just explore and picked up this little cutie for our little cutie to be! 

Maybe a little silly but I’m trying hard not to shop for the baby yet and I just wanted to get something special that was just for the baby. Is so small that it barely counts right! 

Other than that, the only other thing I’ve bought for the baby is this wonderful book. 

I saw it reviewed on a same sex parenting blog I follow, and they raved about it as it’s suitable for any family, and it really is! Plus it’s so beautifully thought through and illustrated but still somehow understated. I’m just in love with it and can’t wait to start filling it out! 

I’m also planning on buying a special box for all babies things, such as pregnancy tests, scan photos, the book and the letter from the sperm donor, as well as anything else we collect as the pregnancy goes on and (pleasepleaseplease) as baby grows. This is partially for us, but primarily for baby. I want him/her to know they were loved and planned for and that they may be part of an unconventional family, but that families are made of love, and not blood. 

I am feeling so so thankful and so bloody happy.  This feels so surreal, but also there is still very much an underlying worry that something could go wrong. I cannot wait till that 12 week scan so we can see our little darling (pleasepleaseplease) looking big and healthy and happy. 


Our baby! ❤️

That little blob in a blob is our real life baby! With a heart beat and everything! A real baby! We could see the heart beat flickering away and it was just the most amazing thing. I have wanted this my whole life and here it is, I’m living it. This beautiful little being is going to make us mothers, something I thought we may only ever dream of. I’m already loving the experience of being pregnant, marvelling at how tired something only a centimetre in size can make me. How that little centimetre can change my perspective on the world in a matter of weeks. How it can have caused my body to start changing already, my breasts are growing and changing and my pulse rate to increase by about 10bpm. What power this little one has to cause so much change already. What power my little one ❤️ 

7 weeks 

Like a proper pregnant person! I feel so privileged to be at this point but it also feels so perililous and I’m constantly worried it’s going to be taken from us at any point. Our scan on Monday can’t come quick enough, although I am all to aware that having a successful scan doesn’t equal taking a baby home. 

Pregnancy symptoms so far seem to mainly look like extreme tiredness for me and it’s rare I’m still up at 9pm. My sleep is very broken, I’m restlessness and constantly needing a wee! That said mornings are good generally as I have more energy then than the rest of the day. I have felt very sick on a couple of occasions in the early evening before dinner but have yet to experience morning sickness. I think if I can see this week through without it then I may get away with it!! Wishful thinking perhaps? Part of me wants it to show up as I know it’s so common and often thought of as a good sign, but also I know some women just don’t get sick and have perfectly healthy pregnancies. 

A big worry is that I’ve put on weight over the course of ivf and the last few weeks which really bothers me. It’s about 4lbs. I am feeling more able to be active now though, I think my ovaries are back to normal, and so I’ve been walking the dogs more, going further and on more difficult walks and this weekend I’m going to brave a spin class! I’ve told my instructer that I’m taking it easy so he doesn’t push me, and plan on only going at about 50-75% effort max as I don’t want to compromise anything but exercise is good for me and the baby and I really don’t want to be gaining excess weight. I’ve also been planning on swimming once or twice a week after work but so far I simply haven’t had the energy by the time evening comes. Maybe tonight’s the night! 

The five and a half week wait

It’s still so bizarre to me, all this poking and prodding and scans and monitoring and injections blah blah and then nothing! Nada! Not a blood test or a scan or anything. I’ve been tempted this week to go to one of those peek-a-baby places, but A is not keen. She wants us to leave it/them alone to grow and not prod and poke and waste money when it won’t make any difference anyhow. She’s right but OOOHHHHHWWWWW. Two weeks left. Should have called it the five and a half week wait, but I guess it’s not as catchy. Realistic though! #faahww 

In other news, symptoms continue but cramps are lessening, I have very occasional bouts of nausea that may or may not be in my head, killer sore boobs (cannot sleep on my front!!!) and a tendancy for grumpiness plus some pretty significant tiredness. Though I seem to be adjusting to that by always sleeping!! I’m kinda thinking there’s just one baby, though I will be sad if one hasn’t made it. I guess that’s partly why having a scan earlier would be good, daydreaming (aka obsessive Pinterest searching/googling) about twins and twin related items isn’t good if one of my little darlings hasn’t made it. No matter what I am so grateful to have got ANYTHING implanted in there, and one baby suits my Homebirth and exclusive breastfeeding dreams, along with our financial situation better, but you do get so attached to those little embryos. March needs to hurry up already 💙🤞🏼💙 


Who was I kidding. I managed one day without testing! I was doing pretty good but I’m still cramping and found out my scan will be in three weeks from today….Three! I’m sure that’s correct and fine and you know this is the NHS and I’m grateful blah blah but it feels like such a long bloody time. I’ll be 7+4. That’s like a proper pregnant person. There’s no blood tests or anything either to check levels are rising, so of course the urge to test won out! 

It’s getting darker and for now I’m happy. Didn’t expect to have such a long wait after the tww to check everything’s looking as it should though…. 

Telling people wise we’ve told everyone we planned on. A few close friends and parents, plus As sister. My parents seem to have shared with my aunt already though which I don’t mind as she and I are really close and they’re just so damn excited, my dad especially. Mum has already offered to help with childcare and we have about four desperate knitters! It’s so lovely to have others as excited and in love with this baby as us. 

Symptoms wise I’m still cramping which worries me on one hand but also reassures me that at least something’s going on down there on the other. My boobs are super sensitive and I’m quite tired, though not as bad as last week (or maybe I’m getting used to it?).

Roll on march! 


Today is 14dp2dt and the recommended pregnancy test date following our first IVF cycle. We did it! It’s worked and I can’t believe it! 

Our clinic had given us an (incredibly cheap looking) pregnancy test to do today which is the top test. It’s a bit of a naff test so I did a digital just to make sure, it’s so amazing to see those words pregnant!  

Next steps are to continue with progesterone and call the clinic Monday with our results. I believe they’ll arrange a scan for some time after 6 weeks bit I’m not sure if they’ll do a blood test first? 

I’ve used all our tests now and don’t plan on doing any more, I don’t want to get any more obsessive than I am! My general plan is to keep active walking and swimming, eat well, not stress and sit back and let our little darling grow ❤ 

Thank you for all your lovely messages of support ❤


Ivf-who to tell

With my family and close friends I’m incredibly open about all aspects of my life. I see no point in pretence and if I’m going through something challenging or difficult I will often seek advice from many different people to help me come to my own conclusion. As a child I would constantly ask questions if I didn’t understand something and this would be reflected in school reports etc. So naturally even before ttc, having a family was a subject I had already talked about time and time again with many different people and many people know of our ivf attempt. 

I have found it a great relief to talk to people about how I am feeling, have received a lot of support and have found it helps me a lot though often I can’t get across just how significant this is for me. My wife asked me not to tell anyone about our positive result until otd which is tomorrow. She doesn’t and hasn’t asked for a lot so I was happy to do this, though if left to me I would have told all of our inner circle straight away! So no one knows except us. The strange thing for me is that since I’ve known it’s positive I’ve obviously relaxed a lot, stopped asking advice or talking out my stress and worry and generally needed less support, and no one seems to have noticed! My best friends have just left me to it and I find it so strange because if I didn’t know the outcome (which is what they all believe) I would be going fucking insane and crying at them, talking at them and generally needing support. I don’t quite get how they don’t know that I know! And I’m upset that I thought they got how much I want this, and I thought they got how much this has taken over my world that ‘being normal’ could only ever be pretend right now. Maybe they’re just grateful for the peace and quiet! 

Anyway, where I’m going with this is that infertility, ttc, ivf, is something I think that only those going through it can understand. That desire is all encompassing, the process overwhelming and you just can’t think of anything else. I’m glad I found this little world where I can read your stories and know that others feel the same, that we’re not alone.