Looking forward

A good friend of mine has been ttc for a couple of years with her husband. No problems picked up but no baby. So recently they’ve been to the appointment we have kind up for June, the one with the 5 month waiting list to get, and they’ve been told they can start IVF on her next period! I can’t believe this, I thought it would be months of waiting again. Oh god I am so happy for her and so happy for me, it’s all within grasp! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Low

Im having a bad day. 

I feel low and flat. 

Weight loss is not going well. I need to sort myself out. It just feels like it’s never going to happen so what’s the point. Gah. 

We’re going round to our donors tonight for food. We’re breaking up with them and I feel bad about it, frustrated and  apprehensive. A was adamant she was going to arrange telling them but she never did. Times moving on and we can’t just leave them hanging so I suggested meeting up and bringing food over (they have small kids so it’s easier for them that way). She’s got a lot on with uni and work but still. 

A works weekends and I work in the week. Weekends have started to get a bit lonely. I want my wife. 

In on cd 3. My cycle lasted 38 days! Wtf??? And it’s so fucking painful. I’m beginning to think I’ve got endometriosis. Irregular bleeding, irregular length cycles, cramping up to two weeks before my period, very heavy painful periods, tummy trouble…. 

Everyone’s pregnant or having babies. Not me, I’m not. Trying to be happy for my friends, but I’m just plain jealous. 

I need my mojo back! I need my positivity and drive. I think I may need to start going to slimming world or something. I need focus. If I can lose weight it’s going to improve my chances, so it should help me feel like I’m working towards our goal of becoming mummy’s. Maybe I need to take A with me, to help that feeling of togetherness.