In search of Mr Right

So this week our original sperm guy got back in touch and has just cemented our decision not to use him. For us it was never hard to decide how to have a child, we knew we wanted a known donor and I would try and get pregnant first. We want a known donor because biology is important to us. Our children will want to know who they are, who their father is, what he’s like etc. Rather than them never being able to find out and feeling incomplete or living life day dreaming of an unrealistic, fantastic ‘dad’ only to be disappointed by someone who doesn’t fit the bill when they turn 18 or simply doesn’t want to know, we wanted to take the mystery out of it. We wanted to say, yeah X is your biological father, we’re your parents and he helped us have you. Simple, easy, no having to search for answers. And the idea of having a dad X, uncle X or plain old X in the background never bothered us because we are secure in who we are. We are two women, and no we haven’t just spontaneously conceived of this child so why pretend otherwise? Neither of us want to be dad, we are two mums, so having dad X around doesn’t threaten us.  Only problem is finding the right guy for the job!

We met G in 2012 when we advertised for someone to rent out our house while we went travelling. We lived with him for a couple of months either side of the time we were away and got on really well, and after he moved out we continued to socialise together. He had a child from a previous relationship, had been single most of the time we knew him but had expressed an interest in having more children. I knew he would be interested in helping us probably 12 months before we broached the subject from hints he’d dropped but A was initially reluctant to ask him as he likes things to go his way and can be unwavering once he’s made a decision. One night however we mentioned to him that we were going to be looking at starting a family soon, and had decided that we wanted to go down the known donor route. He straight away said, well you can ask me! He seemed very enthusiastic, supportive of A and I being the child’s parents and happy to see the child occasionally so it grew up knowing where it came from/it’s biology. We spent many evenings discussing the ins and outs and we all got very excited about the prospect of this future child. 

As soon as we got married however, G immediately put the barriers up. He stopped answering our calls and texts and so we couldn’t arrange meeting up to plan the next steps of baby making, and we were devistated. It was clear he’d changed his mind, and not only that but chickened out of telling us. We had lost a friend and our seemingly perfect set up to have a baby with a known donor. I eventually text him saying it was ok if he had changed his mind but we still wanted to be friends. I got a lengthy reply back saying he was busy working away and had no time to meet up, needed to think about it further, we seemed keen to get on with sooner than he was ready and he didn’t have time for a child. Firstly we had been talking about it for over 18 months at this point and I really can’t imagine what else he needed to think about, if he wasn’t sure now I believed he would never be. Secondly we had always made it clear this would be mine and A’s child, we would be the parents. Yes we wanted the child to know who he was and to see him socially occasionally but not to parent the child. We had said this from the beginning, it was the most important thing for us to be the child’s legal guardians and had emphasised this repeatedly, so why the sudden reference to him not having time for a child? That didn’t sit right. We moved on. 

Last week I saw him in passing and the next day had the first text off him in ages… Asking me to pop over after a shift (I.e alone) some time for a cheeky wiskey so he can tell me about a dream he had about me that my wife wouldn’t approve of! It’s just inappropriate. As clearly irresistible as I am (!) I’m newly married, he’s friends with me and my wife and I thought we all understood each other. We’ve definitely had a lucky escape and are so thankful that we had other options. It is so hard to find the right guy, this decision is forever, and we need to at least start on the same wavelength. Sheesh. 

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Overwhelmed

I feel so overwhelmed. Last week at work I was asked if I was pregnant cuz I looked radiant, tonight cuz I’m pale. Dad is ready to be a grandad and mentions this frequently. Friends ask if I’m pregnant yet with alarming frequency as if most of them don’t know you only get one shot a cycle (and most of them being health professionals!) mum wants to book skiing for winter and I don’t know wether to book or not cuz (pleasepleaseplease) I could be pregnant. 

But!!! It’s all just to confusing! My cycles vary, temping doesn’t result in a readable chart due to (I assume) my shift work, I’ve had not one positive opk in 5 months, I had bloods taken at day 21 a few months ago which apparently showed I was ovulating but how can it when my cycles are usually in the 30’s and I feel I can only ask sperm guy for two donations a month which is not going to be enough since I have no clue when I am, or if I am ovulating. I feel like a failure, I should know my own body, I do for most other times and I thought I had this, I thought I felt ovulation, I thought I had fertile mucous, but I don’t, i feel like I’ve let me and my beautiful wife down before we’ve even began! 

Mild hysteria and lots of love


Last night I had A in tears with my own hysteria as after 5 months of trying to predict ovulation I am still yet to have a positive ovulation test. So naturally I assume I am infertile and will never carry a baby (despite being in my 20s, healthy and having regular periods). Yes I am a hypochondriac but I like to think this just helps me prepare for all potential outcomes. Anyway, despite knowing about my hypochondriac nature, my beautiful loving wife still hates to see me upset and with tears in her eyes pledges all her eggs to me to use as I wish.

We may be a tad short on sperm, but right now I’m feeling blessed to be a lesbian 💛💙💜💚

Broody….so so broody

I can remember the exact moment I first felt that primal instinct to be pregnant. I was 12 and my aunt, who I hadn’t seen for several months, walked into out house proceeded by several feet of gorgeous baby belly. I was just in awe of how amazing her body was, to be able to grow this baby, expanding to accommodate another whole human being and to see her flourish whist doing so. I fell in love with the magic that is child bearing and knew that I wanted to carry a child some day, to grow and nourish and birth a little person of my  own. It took several more years before I got to the point of day dreaming about actually caring for and rearing a child, and then always was able to put my broodyness to one side because it wasn’t the right time. But then I finished uni, got a job, still broody but not ready, bought a house, met my wife, got a lot more broody so got a cat, went travelling, super broody so bought a puppy, got married and WHAM! That was it, I was ready! Nothing (except being slightly broke, blah blah who cares!) I’m not sure my wife, or even me for that matter, was prepared for quite how desperate I was suddenly to start on this process.

Oh shit! I’ll be the crazy, crying-because-my-period-came-even-though-were-not-trying-yet ttc woman then.

In the beginning…

Since I am so blog obsessed (I like to find a new blog and binge read it from start to present day…geek) I thought I would give one a go except I’m a bit technology ignorant and don’t really know where to start or how to use one/do one. But here we are.

So, in the beginning there was me (shlee) and my beautiful wife (A). We got married this year and a not so small part of the reason we wanted to get married was so that when we have a child, which we hope is soon, that both of us are considered equally and equivocally our babies legal guardians, simple. Stonewall reliably informs me that as a married lesbian couple, at the point of conception, if A is the intended parent and we use AI (artificial insemination) as opposed to NI (natural insemination, err what?!) then she gets legal guardian rights, go team! And so began our baby plan 😍 sperm meets jar, brief stop over in syringe, little swim to make lifelong friends with egg…